I constantly have words and stories running through my head but to get them down on paper has been difficult. I’m currently in the middle of a dessert experience. My set of life circumstances is finding me struggling, a lot. I often get pictures to explain my feelings. Right now, I see myself in a boxing ring and life keeps taken its swing. I feel like I’m fighting for my life. Thankfully I’m strong. I’m a survivor because of my Savior. No matter how many times I get hit I will always find the ability to get back up. God always meets me here. He is my strength. He picks me up, sets me back on my feet and holds me up until I can stand on my own. Every time!
I have such a desire to tell the amazing stories of how I see Jesus moving and working. I don’t want to let the emotional weight I’m carrying quiet my voice. As hard as it is, I’m going to share my stories. The beautiful side of my story is how God takes the meager scrapes of my life and turns them into something incredible. This week God showed up for me in powerfully evident ways. In a way that made me feel like I AM incredibly special in the eyes of my Heavenly Father. The way He pays attention to me is just astounding.
To grasp the gravity of it all I need to give a little background information. Last summer, I got “certified” as a dance fitness instructor – kind of on a whim. Not really. I knew I wanted to do it, but it wasn’t like I’ve ever aspired to be a fitness instructor. Dancing has become a creative outlet that I have completely fallen in love with. I have so much fun and it is so good for my mind and body. I’m really focused on healing my mind so anything that can help facilitate that and is fun is a major bonus. Dancing has become my path of healing and ultimately my path to strength. I can go around and round in that boxing ring as long as necessary because I’ve been training on a dance floor. This week I pushed myself a little more and pressed on to becoming exactly who I was created to be, before the effects of my trauma set it. It was terrifying and amazing at the same time but Jesus was leading me, so I boldly went along.
In the midst of what feels like a life-threatening storm God is challenging me to keep moving forward. The blessing for me is that my challenge comes in the form of fun. The reality is being fun doesn’t make it any less difficult to do. I was completely terrified and wanted to back out. I like to dance, and I feel like I’m pretty good at it but to be in front of others showing them how to do is not so easy. If that wasn’t scary and difficult enough, it was a left lead class which makes it 100x more difficult. But I didn’t let that stop me and God orchestrated the whole thing in way that made me feel fantastic! Two of my favorite instructors helped me out big time and then showered me with encouragement. The best part for me, the part that makes me feel completely overwhelmed by the love of God was the song we did for stretching. It was Avril Lavigne’s new song Head Above Water.
A little over a week ago, I heard this song for the first time. A beautiful woman, who was hugely influential on me early in my walk with Jesus, posted it on Facebook. I like to think, if I was a little more musically inclined, I could have written this song. Every piece of my spirit resonates with this song. It has been on repeat for a solid week. To hear at the end of this super intense experience was like a giant bear hug from God. My reality is even though I feel like I might drown, God is doing so much more than keeping my head above water. He is showing the truth of Isaiah 40:31 that says “those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Slowly, I’m learning to fly. It’s terrifying and painful but it also feels completely amazing! A feeling I want to experience again and again. I feel alive! For now, my flight happens on the wings of my Heavenly Father and thankfully He knows exactly how to support me. But I know someday, hopefully someday soon, I will be able to sour on my own. Thank you, Jesus, for that! Here’s a cute picture of us after class for your viewing pleasure.